Omg I just wrote the SCARIEST story. It’s about the WOODS lol.
So once upon a time there was this really pretty girl. Let’s call her……..Madison lol. It’s okay no one will mind if I use my real name haha. But yeah she was the prettiest girl in the whooooooole forest. Like she’s just like part of nature and walks around naked with her long pretty hair covering her boobs and has like a big foresty beev lol and the animals bring her food and love her and stuff.
It’s like Disney!
I kinda don’t want to keep going with that it’s boring lol but anyway yeah I looooooooove the woods. Me and Gaykev got told by the Hierophant to go to a super important spot like way deep in the forest and just like wait. FINE BY ME!
Guys I know it’s been a while since I talked to you but I gotta say, like, me and Gaykev got super close. Like mad super close lololol.
DRAMATIC PAUSE, GUYS
Ok no not close like he’s the real brave Disney explorer in the woods who sees my big Disney-after-dark forest beev and wants to put a baby up it lolololol but close like we live together now! It’s like a dream come true right? I never thought my parents would allow something like that!
Well I guess I know why. I still think it’s because he’s totes gay. But ever since he got my lil girly Katniss stuffed in his head and she ate the remains of Danica’s weird octopus baby that I totally forgot about he got smart again! Like he can say stuff that isn’t “hnnnnnnuuugughg” and “phlef” when you ask him questions lol.
Like the other day when I got off the phone with the Hierophant when he told us we had to go in the forest I yelled down from my room “GAYKEV WE GOTTA GO INTO THE FOREST” he actually walked up the stairs and came to the door and said….get this… “UUUUUUUGFRRRHG.”
Lolololol so yeah I was kidding he still talks as r-word tarded as ever but I think he’s getting better at taking directions like I won’t be like “Gaykev can you take out the garbage before my parents get home” and I won’t come downstairs to him trying to fit a knife between his front teeth again. He’ll take out the garbage. Then he’ll do the thing with the knife and his teeth. Yeah. He just really likes that. It’s so weird lol.
But yeah! Forest!
Gaykev and me walked down the street to the dead end and headed into the woods. It was SUPER cold and I was hoping Gaykev could see my nips through my parka. It’s one of those Canada Goose ones and I love it, omg. Thanks Santa! Sorry about your, um, wife. But that’s for another story haha.
We walked and walked and walked through the woods and I was getting really sick of seeing all the animals just, like, fall down dead. It’s like okay we get it you stupid squirrels, you like to just pop whenever we walk under a tree where you’re sitting like you’re those big zits Gaykev gets on his shoulders. Maybe you can, oh I don’t know, wait until we’re far enough away that you don’t get your blood and guts and buttholes all over my Christmas parka? So rude lol.
Yeah so after a couple hours I checked my phone and it looked like we were getting close to where the Hierophant told us to go. Gaykev looked soooooo cute walking next to me. I mean, if you ignore all the deer fur and raccoon teeth and squirrel eyes stuck to his coat and pants lol. I could ignore it. He’s my bae and no amount of dead stuff can ruin that. Omg that would be such a good title for a book you guys.
I gotta admit I was soooo ready to quote unquote accidentally rub my butt up against Gaykev but it felt all weird and stuff having Katniss watching through the new eyes she grew for him even though I bet she’d be all like “yeah go get it Moms” I just didn’t want to do anything inappropriate for children because that’s wrong.
I’m a really good Mom, guys.
Yeah so we got to a clearing with all these really tall rocks arranged in a circle and there was this one like flat rock in the middle like a table or a counter or another kind of table and I texted the Hierophant like “we r here now what” and he texted back “lie down on the altar with Kevin” and I was like “don’t mind if I do lol” so I pushed Gaykev down on it and there I was. Lying next to Gaykev’s dumb hot self.
It felt so good, guys. It was super peaceful and natural and was like everything was right in the world, you know? I bet you don’t lol.
I think I might have taken a nap or something because before I knew it Gaykev was like shaking and stuff next to me. I figured he was really cold so I kinda pushed closer against him and wiggled a little. Girls you know what I mean lolololololol but then he like opened his mouth and I don’t know like this big rope of bloody red stuff just like exploded out of him and went way up into the air.
It smelled real bad and I was like excuse you Gaykev lol but I could see streaks of white wormy stuff in it and it looked like fettuccine and I was like OMG KATNISS IS THAT YOU but I didn’t need an answer because I knew it had to be! My girl was all grown up!
OMG guys seeing my big beautiful girl being born out of Gaykev’s mouth after being stuck in my head then his head for what seemed like FOREVER was even more beautiful than what I helped Santa’s wife give birth to lol (in all srs rest in peace Mrs. Claus I’m sure you were a nice lady lol.)
I swear it took maybe five minutes to come out of his sexy dumb mouth. I looked around and alllllllll the trees and the rocks and stuff too were covered in Katniss meat and smoke started to come off them and a few of them caught on fire haha. My girl’s hot like her Momma lol.
Then something SUPER WEIRD happened, guys.
Gaykev started coughing really bad but he always does that but this wasn’t one of those alwayses because afterward he just stared at me and said AND I’M REALLY SORRY FOR THIS LANGUAGE but he said “what the fuck is going on?”
I SWEAR TO BLACK GOD GUYS I WAS FREEEEEEAKED OUT.
After he said that he started looking around and he started screaming like real screaming not r-word tarded Gaykev screaming and he got up like he was going to run away!
Thank Black God he tripped because then I was able to take a rock and started hitting him in the tops of his knees a lot until all the big cracking sounds stopped and it was more like hitting sand and then I knew it would be okay and he couldn’t run anymore lol.
“Come onnnnnn” I told him and was like “Gaykev please stop screaming I’ll let you see my butt if you stop” but he wouldn’t stop guys and I was worried someone would hear us and we’d get in trouble for putting Katniss meat all over the forest so I started hitting him in the face with the rock and then he stopped.
Wanna know a fun fact about my girl Katniss? Well remember how all this weird stuff with Gaykev happened when his brain fell out like a year ago lol? I guess she helped him grow back a new one! It was so cool. But then I had to hit him with a rock and now that new brain is all over my hands and the forest and definitely on that rock sooooooo whatevs.
I texted the Hierophant and was like “yo H, Gaykev kinda had an accident. Can you help clean this up?”
It took a loooooong time before he responded but he texted back “I’ll have a team take care of it” and I was like “kthx.”
I walked home and tried to avoid all the stupid birds falling out of the sky and I was super tired so I went to bed. The next day, I went downstairs and saw that Gaykev was on the kitchen table. But, like, in pieces. And in a lot of different jars. One of the jars had his thing lol. But yeah I don’t know what I’m gonna do with all these jars of Gaykev but I’m glad the Hierophant didn’t throw them out and my parents were okay with them being in the kitchen.
I was starting to get sad because now Gaykev wasn’t fun anymore and Katniss was doing whatever she had to do in the forest and I felt lonely guys! Then one of the jars with Gaykev’s lips started moving, lol. Then his fingers, too! And TOES! Omg he has the cutest toes they’re even cuter when they’re not attached to his foot lol. And right then I knew everything was gonna be okay, guys! I can’t wait to let you know what happens next lololololol.