Haha guys my parents think I’m a virgin but I’m kinda, like… not lol.

Haha guys my parents think I’m a virgin but I’m kinda, like… not lol.

Yeah so for those who don’t know me I’m Madison. I told a story about my stupid sister, then my gross brother, then my poor hot gay friend Kevin. If you don’t know those stories, I kinda hate you because they’re really important and like who the h*ck do you think you are coming in here and acting like you’re going to read about my first time and not care about the other things that are happening in my life? You should go, like, assistant manage a small diner or something just as sad lol.

Omg anyway guess what? I’M GONNA TELL YOU A STORY!! 😀

This is gonna sound soooooo creepy and weird but you’ll read it anyway because I’m awesome and it’s fun to read stuff about people who are better than you lol. Omg btw I love Katniss Evergreen. Random. But yeah don’t worry it’s not like it was my uncle or anything gross like a dog or hippo or something.

Ok so maybe like 18 months ago this really cute guy snuck into my room. You know how vampires have to get invited into your room before they can come in your room and visit you in your room? Yeah this wasn’t like that because he wasn’t a vampire. This guy just kinda came in through the window and sat on the side of my bed.

I was like what are you doing here and got all mad because I didn’t have my hair right and I was wearing my ugly fleecy pants instead of my hot fleecy pants and he was okay looking but not like stupid Kevin’s hot dumb brainless head but I didn’t know Kevin back then so he was better than okay I guess.

I wanted to call Dad to come beat the guy up but there was something about him that was kinda cool. He was like gray like a rock or a cloud or gay poetry stuff and had cool red eyes and a really big mouth. He started rubbing my hair which was annoying but I couldn’t move for some reason then he whispered in my ear:

“Madison you’re going to be a mom someday.” Then his fingers got really long and skinny and he put them behind my eyes.

I was like um gross and no thank you but I didn’t say it because I still couldn’t move and then everything got all dark and I woke up kinda sore and stuff. And ew not there.

And that’s the story! You guys are lucky I’m good at setting a mood otherwise that would’ve seemed even weirder and creepier than it was.

But yeah, that was my first time with the gray man.

Wanna know why I’m telling you all this? Obv you do lol.

Welllllllllllllllllll GUYS I’M GONNA BE A MOM!!!

Ok ok ok you can’t tell my parents but it’s not like they can see the little baby yet anyway because it’s growing behind my eyes but I can already feel its tiny little hands pushing on the eye cords or whatever they’re called. Good thing I’m not ticklish lol.

There’s only one person I told and that’s poor gay Kevin so I could make him feel jealous but he just kinda drooled and said uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh because he’s annoying but so hot but I know he wished he was the one who put it in me and not the gray man. It’s funny because I’d forgotten all about the gray man until the little baby started growing over the weekend! It’d been years and I thought babies were made in nine months and in a uterus but mine is gonna be cool so that’s why it’s different.

Another weird thing – I’ve always always always hated babies! I was so happy when my little brother died and until he came back I had to hear him crying and stuff every time I bent his knee back when Mom or Dad wasn’t looking. But now, I’m so excited to be a mom. What could be better than another little Madison running around? Literally nothing, that’s what.

I’m going to be the coolest mom. I’ll let my baby have parties and vape and talk to Black God and wear whatever she wants and never have to learn Spanish if she doesn’t want.

Check this out – when Gina died it was exactly one year after the gray man came to visit. I never even connected that! I was so excited to have my bedroom all to myself I didn’t even think of the dates being the same! Btw guys it is SO COOL to still have a room to myself and I won’t even mind sharing with the baby.

But yeah at school I didn’t want to tell people about the baby except Kevin but get this! Karen said something bad about my hair and said it wasn’t really blonde but brown like I’m an Italian or something and I got real mad and all of the sudden a little baby hand came out of my eye and cut Karen’s throat open lol. NOBODY saw it happen, either! Karen was laughing at me and then her neck was all shooting blood and stuff and she died and everyone was sad and I pretended to be sad but I wasn’t sad even though I have to go to a little vigil and say I’m sad.

I’m so not sad. My baby is awesome and I’m so glad the gray man put it in me. I just don’t know when I’m going to tell my parents. It seems like they’re never home anymore.