Lol my brother is so gross I hate him. I wrote about my sister a while back and you guys were total a-word holes about it but it’s okay she’s dead. I got in SO much trouble btw but they were too sad to hit me which is fine because I would’ve called CPS on their butts haha.
But yeah I was watching my baby brother Tommy while my parents were out of state at some election party or something and Tommy just started throwing up. Btw if any of you guys are like “why is she watching her baby brother after her sister died while she was watching her” you can just keep that in yourselves. My parents are weird. I think they’re swingers lol Danica taught me what that meant.
So, like, it wasn’t the normal boob milk puke or anything either it was all red and stringy and ugh. Of course I started thinking about dumb dead Gina and being like how much more awful can my luck get and stuff. Gross Tommy just kept spitting up until his high chair was covered in puke.
It. Smelled. So. Bad. O. M. G.
Anyway I started yelling at him and slapping him so he’d stop but then his eye fell out and I got SO MAD because of COURSE I’d get blamed for it. Then because he hates me he started to laugh and aimed his pukey mouth at me and I got some in my hair.
Of course since I have the best hair in the family I was so grossed out I ran upstairs and took a shower and left my gross brother to finish throwing up and playing with his dumb eye. I snuck into Mom’s cabinet and used her real expensive lotion after because it smelled real good and Tommy’s throw up was making the house smell bad.
While I was making sure my elbows were all nice and moist and sexy (lol) Tommy started yelling. And it wasn’t his normal yell either. It was all deep and loud and vibratey like he was showing off and pretending to be a monster. Such a little creep I hate him.
You ever feel it in your stomach and butt when a real low vibration comes by and its like you gotta go to the bathroom? Well yeah it was like that. So totally nasty and inappropriate. Even though he wasn’t saying anything it was like he was being so crude and just bad mannered. Like, he reminded me SO much of Gina ugh talk about a boring funeral lol.
Like, we don’t have too many people in the family and what was left of Gina was so gross that people took it away to study or something haha. I always used to make fun of her and call her a science experiment and I bet that’s what she is now. It’d be funny if it still hurt for her even though she’s all dead and stuff. Mom doesn’t say anything about god anymore except bad words when she doesn’t think I’m around but I know she does and I’ll tell Dad on her if she’s mean about Tommy’s grossness.
Ugh why am I talking about Gina it’s making me mad. It’s so not my fault but it’s sooooooo nice not to have to share a room anymore. Like I’m in heaven lol.
I wanted to keep putting on the nice lotion but RIGHT ON CUE Tommy apparently fell out of his high chair and managed to get up the stairs because there he was, all walking on his hands backwards or something weird and drooling that stringy puke EVERYWHERE and when he got real close to Dad’s bearskin rug I kicked him away because no way should that get puke on it omg I’d get in so much trouble.
The problem is as soon as I kicked Tommy his head sorta kinda fell off BUT NOT TOTALLY OFF SERIOUSLY it’s still hanging by a little bit of skin. He won’t stop laughing and it’s super obnoxious and now places where his puke didn’t even touch are starting to drip with it. It’s like Tommy knew exactly how to get me in trouble and now he’s doing it like just right there now he bit the cat like totally in half.
Anyways yeah you guys were total deutsche bags (lol thank Danica for that one too) but I need your help if you can control yourselves and not be mean in the comments. How can I get puke out of a carpet and get a new cat that looks like Ms. Flufferbottom and a new baby that looks like Tommy because I seriously think this one’s broken. Like, how does a baby even grow extra legs? So annoying. But yeah help a girl out lol.