Omg guys why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?

I don’t want to sound racist but I think Kevin is gay lol. Like, my parents were gone haha it seems like they always are and I got Kevin to come over to help me with homework and he was SO not interested in my boobs. I mean, I didn’t show them to him or anything yet but I pushed my shoulders together and made them all big and all he did was look at the homework and then his brain fell out.

I got mad because it was on my new bedspread and its now just like bedspread with brain and it doesn’t match the lavender color AT ALL KEVIN.

But yeah he was all sitting there looking weird and bleeding from the eye his brain fell out of and now he’s making weird sounds. So not sexy Kevin. Srs.


Like, I don’t want to even ask you guys for advice anymore because you’re so not helpful (TOMMY IS FINE BY THE WAY) but okay yeah can someone tell me how to get a brain back into the boy I like?

Lol like sandwich. ^ ^

Before you get all “Madison just pick it up and push it back in where it came out of” I’ll just say I already did that and I just made it worse. Brains are supposed to be one piece right? Yeah um well it plopped out in one piece but when I tried to push it back up his eye hole it, like, fell apart? Yeah.

There’s brain under my nails and I did them just so Kevin would think my fingers are sexy and I guess that’s out of the realm of possibility lol. Unless he’s into brainy fingers. People always tell me I’m super smart.

So yeah. Kevin’s brain is all messed up. He doesn’t seem happy because when I tried to unzip his pants to get a peek (I’m not a perv I wanted to make sure he had enough air because he’s breathing all weird) he grunted and pushed me. Omg if Dad saw him push me omg lol.

I’m just gonna assume you won’t have any good ideas about his brain. And you know what? I didn’t expect any lol you guys are the worst. Jk jk jk you’re not the worst like cancer is the worst. OH BTW

Kevin’s brain kinda came back together but it doesn’t look like brain it’s more like a slug. Remember my cat? Yeah we got a new one. Mr. Flufferbottom was not fine after Tommy. Not fine at all. Anyway now we have a cat called Meowington and he’s eating Kevin’s brain slug thing. Kevin’s walking around and bumping into stuff and stuff. His pants are still unzipped though. A girl can dream lolol no it’s okay he likes other guys I guess maybe I’ll get a short haircut and he can’t tell because he has no brain.

Ok, I guess I’ll mention that one other thing.

You know my friend Danica I mentioned last time? Yeah, she was in my closet trying to record all the sex I was gonna have with Kevin before his brain got all clumsy. Anyway, I think it might have turned out Danica was pregs because she died or something and a baby ????????? like fell out of her.

You know how babies are supposed to be all cute and cuddly like stupid Tommy? Yeah, no. Danica’s baby is like an octopus. But with people legs. With lots and lots of knees. And yeah it’s eating Danica. Which is so not baby food. Danica only ate junk food which is probably why she died I’m gonna totally take her phone she has a 7 and I only have a 6s thanks Mom.

I’m all trying to write this to you people and there’s so much going on they’re interrupting the heck out of me. So Danica baby is done eating Danica and now it crawled in Kevin’s head and only one of the legs is sticking out his eye and Meowington finished eating the slug brain and is getting all hairbally and Kevin, bless his gay heart, is just sitting on the bed looking at me.

He looks so cute guys. I swear, if it wasn’t for the weird baby leg flopping all over his face I’d totally let him touch it. Jk I’d still let him. Hang on.

No he didn’t want to. Oh well. Guys I’m so unlucky it’s really not fair. I’m, like, really pretty. I know you pervs are gonna keep sending me pics of your things and I support your decision because you can’t help yourselves but it’s not the same. I love Kevin. Kevin and his no brain and weird baby head. But it’s not meant to be.

You know what? I’m gonna find Kevin a boyfriend. Then I bet he’ll love me back. Bbl!!

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16 Replies to “Omg guys why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?”

  1. Like they said on Reddit, I think these “Tommy” are meant to be “Kevin”.

    “… he’s eating Tommy’s brain slug thing. Tommy’s walking around …”

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